Catty Playgroups?

Are playgroup moms really that judgmental?

I mean, I know this is over the top parody, but there must be some truth in there.

I dunno. Let's ask Emily. Emily? Are you there?

YES IM HERE!!!! but, obviously, semi-beyond stupid as i could not find this discussion. but i found you, i found you na na na na naaaa....

well, i'll tell ya this...and if they are reading, holy crap, cuz i'll be really embaraaseesssddd.

so this group of new moms with high voices and no goals, all met in the park one day a week, new babies in tow, or on breast...

i arrive, skeptical cuz i don't like groups, or moms, or well, maybe just groups of moms....

...they all had like 60 different Tupperwares each - with snacks that didn't come out of a plastic bag (ie: the snickerdoodle cookies i'm polishing off now - YES, they are organic, ok!), actual members of the four (or is it six?) food groups and all sliced and diced so friggen perfectly they must have used some fancy-chopping instrument from the Solutions Catalogue. this was the first thing to boggle me - how do these moms chop so f'in good?! i don't even chop my daughter's food for preschool. i rip it with my fingers. and i expect her to eat it that way. in fact, everyday i notice in her lunch box, there is a plastic fork in there. i think they're sending me a message.

lest i digress.

point being, anyone whose Tupperware collection is greater that her vibrator stash, is not a mom i can bond with. then again maybe she has great sex with her hubby or partner or whatever you want to call that person and she doesn't need all the vibrators...and then i can't bond with them either. i can only bond with moms as miserably failing as moiself. like Crabmommy. she is my idol. when i read her bloggin i feel better about myself and my self-loathing even goes down a notch or two. for that moment.

so anyway, back to the group. i tried folks - i tried! but i also hate pretending to LIKE other people's babies too. this was another problem. it's like dogs. i only want to touch my own.
i know, i know. im a horrible person. but you asked! and at these groups your supposed to talk about how adorable everyone's child is but they all look fat and boogery and drooly and it kind of makes me sick.

ok, i better stop now.

neal, should i take this down. i don't wanna start a hate club!
maybe honesty isn't the best policy.
i'll ask my therapist on friday.

huggies,
Em

YES IM HERE!!!! but, obviously, semi-beyond stupid as i could not find this discussion. but i found you, i found you na na na na naaaa....

well, i'll tell ya this...and if they are reading, holy crap, cuz i'll be really embaraaseesssddd.

so this group of new moms with high voices and no goals, all met in the park one day a week, new babies in tow, or on breast...

i arrive, skeptical cuz i don't like groups, or moms, or well, maybe just groups of moms....

...they all had like 60 different Tupperwares each - with snacks that didn't come out of a plastic bag (ie: the snickerdoodle cookies i'm polishing off now - YES, they are organic, ok!), actual members of the four (or is it six?) food groups and all sliced and diced so friggen perfectly they must have used some fancy-chopping instrument from the Solutions Catalogue. this was the first thing to boggle me - how do these moms chop so f'in good?! i don't even chop my daughter's food for preschool. i rip it with my fingers. and i expect her to eat it that way. in fact, everyday i notice in her lunch box, there is a plastic fork in there. i think they're sending me a message.

lest i digress.

point being, anyone whose Tupperware collection is greater that her vibrator stash, is not a mom i can bond with. then again maybe she has great sex with her hubby or partner or whatever you want to call that person and she doesn't need all the vibrators...and then i can't bond with them either. i can only bond with moms as miserably failing as moiself. like Crabmommy. she is my idol. when i read her bloggin i feel better about myself and my self-loathing even goes down a notch or two. for that moment.

so anyway, back to the group. i tried folks - i tried! but i also hate pretending to LIKE other people's babies too. this was another problem.

i know, i know. im a horrible person. i'm the catty one here, right?? with all the judging n whatnot. but you asked! at these groups your supposed to talk about how adorable everyone's child, how perfect and beautiful and what and act of the G Almighty it is to have children, ya-da, ya-da....but thing is they all look fat and boogery and drooley and germy to me except for MY DAUGHTER, who obviously IS the perfect, beautiful act of the G Almighty, and, here it goes - other people's babies make me sick. it's like dogs. i only want to touch my own.

ok, i better stop now.

neal, should i take this down? i don't wanna start a hate club!
maybe honesty isn't the best policy.
i'll ask my therapist on friday.

huggies,
Em

btw, i didn't mean Crabmommy is a failure!! no, no...in fact she is the ultimate success story of a mom cuz she is honest about her limitations, has no shame in tellin it like it is, and admits, straight up now tell my stylee, that every day of motherhood is a roller-coaster of little triumphs and failures. holy crap, i'm sounding like mary mommy poppins. gross.

(but you know what I mean....right?)

Don't worry: If you ever attained all your ideals, everybody will hate your guts.

Actually, the one I experienced as 'catty' was the one who made the 'landfiller' comment.

I like your show because it's a snapshot into a world I never get to see.

mommies can indeed be that judgmental. It's why I don't fit in... if I don't like you, I'm like a boy. I'll punch you in the nose and move on (or hit you in the head with a Tonka truck).

I can't get into the playgroup thing. I've tried. I've gagged. Now it's the PTA. Dear god, help me.